Online dating with Tinder and Co. has become indispensable
The dating app Tinder has become a serious “matchmaker”.
Online dating developed from wallflower to top dog within a few years. Caroline Fux, psychologist and Blick sex counselor, explains the reasons.
This is where people meet who don’t get anyone else – that was the image of online dating for a long time. Accordingly, for a long time hardly anyone wanted to admit to having met their sweetheart (or sex date) on the Internet. Today there are hardly any singles who do not at least seriously consider online dating and tell it about it.
The questions about love and the Internet that I work on in the sex counseling of Blick have become more numerous. The most bellyache for men and women is the non-commitment that seems to be part of online dating. Inspirationally close contacts are quickly established, but also quickly broken again. And that hurts.
When it comes to dating, Tinder is not only considered the current child prodigy, but also a prime example of virtual superficiality. Instead of long questionnaires, the app relies on pictures and brief profiles. If you don’t like it, you’ll be swept away to the left. Those who like it receive a swipe to the right and thus a like. You can only chat with the person concerned if they have also liked you. A brilliant principle.
With one or the other lover, there is even a bit of envy from time to time in view of the tinderery. Where else can you safely and comfortably determine the (amorous) fate of so many people like an emperor with a hint of the finger?
Tinder isn’t just fun, it’s also merciless. A wrong hobby, a generic pose or a stupid T-shirt are enough for a swipe to the left and thus for an “And bye”. For all its success, Tinder has also damaged the image of online dating, which has become socially acceptable: too much meat inspection, too little personality. There is not much that can be said about that. But ultimately, the Tinder’s emotional cocktail of excitement, hope, lust, power and longing is exactly the recipe for success. Tinder offers a kick like no other portal. And with all due respect for inner values: Even the most beautiful “match”, as the right partner is called in Tinderian, with a great percentage agreement leaves a stale taste if you can’t do anything with the appearance of the other person.
It shouldn’t be easy to create a dating concept that Tinder can stand up to in terms of appeal. Tech-savvy people swear that the provider who offers the best algorithm, i.e. the most skilful merging of the profiles of those interested in dating, will soon be ahead. As a psychologist, I remain skeptical about this. Although I like data-based work, as a social scientist I believe in statistics and, as a critical user, I am impressed by how precisely electronic offers can be tailored to customers today. However, I also see how few people are often prepared to follow mathematical probabilities, i.e. reason. Especially when it comes to dating. There is also a certain romance involved when looking for a partner. For some it consists of hunting, for others of being conquered, and still others follow a different code. The main thing is that there is room for desires and fantasies.
I advise singles who cannot cope with the search for a partner to focus again on tangible and not on digital life. In my experience, those people who live a fulfilled reality beyond the smartphone are particularly successful in the dating market. Because digital flirting is only really fun if you don’t fall into a void after logging out. In addition, I am convinced that digital natives in particular feel when someone is virtually top but more of a flop in real life.
In the future, those platforms that encourage flirting but also offer entertainment will earn points. Because great love cannot simply be programmed, it remains something unpredictable.
* The woman from Zug has been the Blick sex advisor for five years. Caroline Fux (36) studied psychology and is now pursuing a master’s degree in sexology.
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